Can I change my own name without the other person agreeing?#
Yes. GOV.UK says anyone aged 16 or over can make a deed poll and start using the new name, and for an adult's unenrolled deed poll it asks for nobody's agreement and no reason. That holds even if you are still married to, or in a civil partnership with, the person who abused you. Their written permission comes in only if you enrol the deed with the High Court, where the 1994 regulations also require notice of the application to be delivered or posted to them.
An unenrolled deed poll is not registered or published anywhere, and GOV.UK says you can use it straight away. Enrolment is what publishes, putting both names and your address in The Gazette; changing your name to stay safe explains what else to avoid and how to update your records quietly.
Can I change my child's surname if the other parent was abusive?#
Not by deed poll on your own, if they hold parental responsibility. GOV.UK's rule is the agreement of everyone who holds it, or a court order, and you must try to reach agreement first. The abuse does not change who has to agree; it changes how you can safely ask. GOV.UK says a legal adviser can negotiate for you, so you need not speak to the other parent yourself, and if there is no agreement, the family court decides.
The application is for a specific issue order on form C100. GOV.UK gives the fee as £270, with help for people on benefits or a low income. The court sends a copy of the application to everyone you believe has parental responsibility, so the other parent will see what you are asking. Specific issue orders explains the application; below is what differs after abuse.
What protections does the family court offer?#
- Usually no mediation meeting. GOV.UK says you will not usually need a mediation meeting (a MIAM) if you have evidence that you are a victim of domestic abuse, or if the application is urgent because you or your child are in danger.
- Form C1A tells the court about harm. It goes with the C100 and covers threatening behaviour, violence or abuse, whether psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional, between adults who are or have been partners or family members, "regardless of gender or sexuality". The other parent receives it and can respond.
- Form C8 keeps your address private. Otherwise, the court's guidance says, your address is given to the other parties. With form C8, your contact details and your children's are used only by the court and Cafcass, and nobody else sees them without a court order. Leave them off every other document you send.
- Arrangements at court. Form C1A asks whether you need separate waiting rooms, separate entrances and exits, screens or a video link. The court tries to provide them, depending on its facilities, and asks you to check with it before the hearing.
- No questioning in person. Under the Domestic Abuse Act 2021, the parties cannot question each other directly in specified circumstances. If the court has not told you this applies, you can apply on form EX740, and if you have no lawyer, ask the court to appoint one to question the other parent for you, free of charge.
The court decides on your child's welfare, and weighs any harm the child has suffered or is at risk of suffering. Where the application also asks where the child should live, or about contact with a parent, Practice Direction 12J applies: the court must consider at every stage whether domestic abuse is raised and, where it is admitted or proven, make sure any child arrangements order protects the child and the parent they live with from further harm.
Can I get legal aid?#
Possibly. GOV.UK says you might get legal aid if you have evidence that you or your children have experienced domestic abuse and you cannot afford to pay legal costs. It counts controlling behaviour, emotional abuse and financial control as well as harassment, threats and violence, from a partner, an ex-partner or a family member. Evidence can come from the courts, the police, social services, a health professional, a refuge or support service, or your bank, among others, and GOV.UK has sample letters for asking. Income and savings usually count too, though GOV.UK says you might still qualify above the usual limits if your case is about domestic abuse.
A legal adviser applies for you; you cannot apply on your own. Start with GOV.UK's check if you can get legal aid service, which explains how to use it safely if you do not want someone to know. Scotland and Northern Ireland have their own rules.
What if I need protection now?#
If you are in immediate danger, contact the police. The family court can also make an injunction, and GOV.UK says there is no fee to apply:
- a non-molestation order, protecting you or your child from being harmed or threatened by the person who abused you;
- an occupation order, deciding who can live in the family home or enter the area around it;
- a domestic abuse protection order, covering all forms of domestic abuse, available only where the other person lives in one of the areas GOV.UK lists.
The person named can be arrested for breaking it. If you need protection straight away, you can ask for an emergency order without telling them first; they are told once it is made. Form C8 keeps your address and phone number private here too. GOV.UK's injunction guide explains how to apply and names Refuge, Women's Aid, Citizens Advice and the Men's Advice Line as places for advice, and Rights of Women gives women free legal advice in England and Wales.
How do I keep my new name and address from them?#
- Keep the deed unenrolled, and if your birth was registered in Scotland or Northern Ireland, think before recording the change against it, because certificates anyone can order would then show the new name.
- Tell the school. A parent with parental responsibility is entitled to information such as school reports. Department for Education guidance tells schools in England to avoid disclosing a parent's details by accident, noting that a parent may be at risk of domestic violence, and gives the example of attendance registers, which usually show a pupil's address. Women's Aid suggests making sure the head and your children's teachers know the situation.
- Check the public records. Keeping your address off your documents covers the electoral register, Companies House, HM Land Registry and banks, and can someone find out my new name? explains what else is public.
Where can I get support?#
The National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge, is free, confidential and open 24 hours a day, with live chat on its website. Women's Aid has the Survivor's Handbook, the Men's Advice Line supports men and anyone who feels it is right for them, and Galop supports LGBT+ people. Scotland has its own helpline, as do Wales and Northern Ireland; changing your name to stay safe describes each.
This page sets out the rules in England and Wales, not advice on your case. Scotland and Northern Ireland have their own courts and forms, outlined in specific issue orders.
Questions people ask
What counts as domestic abuse?
In England and Wales, the Domestic Abuse Act 2021 defines it as abusive behaviour between people aged 16 or over who are personally connected, such as partners, former partners and relatives: physical or sexual abuse, violent or threatening behaviour, controlling or coercive behaviour, economic abuse, or psychological, emotional or other abuse, whether a single incident or a pattern. A child related to either person who sees, hears or experiences the effects of it is a victim too.
Does the abuse mean the other parent loses parental responsibility?
Not by itself. Department for Education guidance notes that a court can end parental responsibility that was acquired, rarely and in very limited circumstances, but not where it came from being married to the child's mother. Otherwise it continues, and a new name still needs that parent's consent or a court order.
Can I get my child a passport in the new name without the other parent's consent?
Only exceptionally. HM Passport Office's safeguarding guidance says it will allow a child's name to change without everyone's consent or a court order only where there is clear evidence of danger to the child's life or yours, no court order prevents the change, and the police or social services show that applying to court would put you at risk. It adds that it would cancel the passport if the other parent complained.
Can the court keep my child's new name from the other parent?
Exceptionally. In a 2017 case the High Court let a mother give her children new names and directed that nobody with notice of the order tell their father, who had abducted them abroad, what the names were. The judge called orders of that kind far-reaching and exceptional. How a court decides a child's name covers the cases.
Something else? Ask us, and a person replies by email, normally the same working day.
